Melody...

Its amazing to know how jealous you can get. You can turn green and see other people having things you don't. Knowing things that you don't. Getting things that you don't. Being people you can only dream about. Have I wasted 3 years of my teen hood on someone that couldn't possibly care? Am I going to regret 3 years of study on something that I chose on impulse? I hate myself. I really do. Why am I so fucked up? Screw it. I'm going to jump soon. I'm 17.28983 times more a burden, than a comfort, joy and a friend I'll ever be.

Its also amazing to know that god couldn't care less either. Its like, You've put bread on my table for 16 years. Ya. So? You don't pay special attention to me. You don't care. You pay the same amount of attention to the birds on the streets. You feed them. What do you care? You don't talk to me.you don't even bother. I've tried. I've given up continuing. You answered my prayer 3 years later. Did it matter? If a guys prays for world peace, gives up hope, and get killed by terrorists, and 3 years later, you make peace in the world. Does it matter to the dead guy? What good does he get out of it. From what you know, he could be in hell for his wrongdoings. Does it matter to him?

Life Sucks Big Time. Its sad when you're 17 and having totally no social life. The people in church, I can safely say DON'T CARE. I'm not their friend. I'm just a person. And it seems like its my own fault. Its sad but I can't cry. Its painful but theres no blood. I think I should go mutilate myself.

Stop this train. I wanna get off and go home again. I can't take the speeding smoothing in. I know I can't. But honestly, wont someone stop this train? - John Mayer