My Unjust Reunification

My head's spinning. I haven't blogged properly, not since Chinese New Year at least.

After the whole year of trying to learn how not to think, the potato chip has been forcing my thoughts out again. Well, she's my new buddy I guess. I've been talking to her for the past 3 days. She's from KC, no wonder she looks like she's from KC. I think I've seen her before though. Anyway, talking to her's different. Coz' I can just spout random thoughts, and she'd probably understand. You're my first new friend I've made; You're a nice person, I bet my life on it.

Downstair's Nasi Lemak's open again. I swear I will get fat. But seriously, I can already feel my results improving already. Pro right? I know. All my grades have improved by one step. "As pro as a propanol ah, Nick? " And I would say," Propyl-Propanoate."

I wonder if my class would come, if I asked them out on a drinking date on my birthday. Victor says he's going to make me drunk. I'm still waiting for me to get drunk. There'll come a day I guess. Till that day, Nick never got drunk.

I guess I still don't have the emotions to write a crushing essay, such as: "Emotions"or "Ambitions". But I think I'll write a descriptive one of these day. I've so much emotions bottled up. I told Gil I'd write songs, but my thoughts are so messed up. I've lyrics of songs running up and down and up and down. I've lost my own thoughts. My own thoughts.

Influences in music. Everyone who learnt music, learnt it for somebody right? Some learnt the piano because they wanted to play Kevin Kern. I learnt piano because I was rather forced to, and so I lost interest pretty easily. I want to improve my electric for Josh and Joshua from The Firefight, but then again, if the band one day stops, does that mean that I will stop too? Anyway, its wrong to say that anyone plays wrongly, because they have their own music influences. If my influences and your influences are different, its just a conflict of interest. It doesn't mean I'm playing too loud, or you're playing the right way. It just means we have to work together to create our own sound, thats all.

With each relationship broken, or a new relationship gained, you learn something. What you will learn, you never know, it just comes to you naturally. Once bitten twice shy or anything else could be picked up. But it doesn't all the time mean you are a better person. It just means you've changed. I don't think I've changed for the better. The more times I fall, I pick myself up, I look forward, but yet all I do is get weary and get wary. Its tiring me out, I've become bitter and filled myself with so much hatred. I've no idea what good it has done for me, but maybe if I knew, I wouldn't feel this way would I.

I keep telling myself,"Don't fall in Love, Silly." But again and again, I fall in love, deeper and deeper in love. Even with you. I'm tired of games and I don't wanna be friends. But somehow, somehow it always calls out to me saying,"Shes the one." I watched myself turn from a happy, chatty person into a person with multiple faces and a hell of an alter ego. I change my face in front of different people, but do what extent can I keep it up? A masquerade that I can't keep up, in the end of the show, I'm one lonely star. Should I take a bow, and be someone I really am, or should I treat this like the climax of the show? I know I'm not a easily likable person, like Nana said. Probably to understand me takes a long long time, months, even years.

What then should I do? I get dizzy and my mind shouts, "What should I do next?" repeatedly again and again right into my ear when I'm feeling insecure. I hate that feeling. If it lasted anything more than five minutes, I'll go insane right in front of you. Whats with you Nick? Where was the time you walked tall? Is this the way I'm going to end my life? Somethings have got to change around here.

On a slightly lighter note,

Nick has discovered how to teach plant reproduction : Eat ladies' finger and look at your stool. :)