Second Bests

How many times have we settled for second best, just because we couldn't get the best. Its the life of simple people, the poor, the meek and the weak. Would you settle for a cabury choclate piece if you can't afford the entire kit-kat bar?

Its a virtue, not a flaw. Being a sportsman I've learnt not to strive for anything but to be the best. So, what if you can't? Settle for second? A lot of successful people tell us that if we aim high, we will get high. But how many people have fallen because they refused to settle for second best. How many people were lost due to the fact that they can't settle for second best?

Am I settling for 2nd best? I guess not. But I wish I could.

Would you believe me if I said, that all of the dreams in your heart can come true today?
Would you believe me if I said, that life could be all that you wanted it to be? Today? - Free - Hillsongs

Beautiful People

This is my first topic post in quite a long time. Its been awhile since I did any thinking, and I promised amabel a post, so here goes.

Look at the geek, playing games literaly the entire day. Fighting and killing monsters that doesn't exist in reality. Sparing with opponents whom you have no grudge against. Rushing to be the best, we sometimes encounter face-offs with them, sometimes broken friendships due to the unwillingness to leave the virtual world. But if you look closer at that thick spectacled boy or girl, and observe them closely, you might find that maybe they deserve better than they are treated.

Sometimes I wonder if geeks bother about their looks. They certainly not metrosexual, but in virtual reality, you just never know. Higher level people tend to be more concious of the way they look, and can tend to be very spend thrifty over cash equipment that have exorbitant prices. They look pretty cute, pretty cool. Some go to the extent of scringing and saving expenses to buy certain cool weapons that cost alot of money. Who says they are not metrosexual?

You could probably see that these geeks are cold towards people, hardly going out, interacting with other people. But in game, these people are the chatterbox, flooding people's screens with questions. They speak as if there was not tomorrow. You could even get a girlfriend if you try hard enough. Mates in virtual reality would probably give you more attention than a one in reality. Who knows? You might become more that mates in virtual reality one day.

How do I know? I'm probably one of them myself. Me and my friends spend money to make ourelves look good in game, speak and talk like theres no tomorrow, and I even have a girl in game, named amabel. People who spend Hours and Hours on computer games most probably are geeks, like Jo, Sasa, Xuan, Terry, MattZeL...

Beautiful people on the inside.

Winter winter on the wall,
Snow snow flying by,
Making the ground all white,
Like soapy bubbles.
All around its filled
With white soft snow,
That I can touch it
With no feeling.

Its so fun to play with,
Throwing here and there.
Pretty nice.

I wish Winter would stay,
So I can be,
In the cold snowy air,
Playing all day in the snow,
Buliding a snowman,
On my very own.
Winter. Winter. Winter.

- Amabel - Winter

Well. At least there are people who read my blog. Some alive people. But hardly any of them ever tag my blog. Cool huh. I think I coolest blog in the world. Its so cool that hardly anyone bothers to tag anymore. Cool huh.

Life screwing, screwing, screwing, screwed up. I just love the pretty fucked-up life of sacarsm and oxy-morons. I just love the dam bloody sexy life I have. Whoo. It even beats living life as a loser. How great can that be? Just a little. A little.

My twisted mind. My broken finger. My wreched heart. My screwed up left knee. My fucked-up eyes. My sprained ankle. Maybe my life isn't that bad after all. After all, Whats the worst thing that can happen to me? I'm already all messed-up.

"On top, to break the chain, no pain, don't be afraid." - Air Gear - OST

At least I feel that I can talk to Rain if I have the need to now. RJ's English is Horrigible, Terrigible and Vegetable. She can spell "youth" wrongly and writes deadline as date line. Horrendeous, simply horrendeous. This just will not do.

Just because Rain came to my house yesterday, I was hoping so hard that she would come again today. As usual, these are just daydreams. It will never come true. A fairy tale, Rain and I, Nothing more. Fairy tales don't come true.

There was this story on Andrew's Blog :

The Window

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour a day to drain the fluids from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation. And every afternoon when the man in the bed next to the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed would live for those one-hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the outside world.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake, the man had said. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Lovers walked arm in arm amid flowers of every color of the rainbow. Grand old trees graced the landscape, and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene. One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man could not hear the band, he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Unexpectedly, an alien thought entered his head: Why should he have all the pleasure of seeing everything while I never get to see anything?

It didn't seem fair. As the thought fermented, the man felt ashamed at first. But as the days passed and he missed seeing more sights, his envy eroded into resentment and soon turned him sour. He began to brood and found himself unable to sleep. He should be by that window --- and that thought now controlled his life.

Late one night, as he lay staring at the ceiling, the man by the window began to cough. He was choking on the fluid in his lungs. The other man watched in the dimly lit room as the struggling man by the window groped for the button to call for help. Listening from across the room, he never moved, never pushed his own button which would have brought the nurse running. In less than five minutes, the coughing and choking stopped, along with the sound of breathing. Now, there was only silence-deathly silence.

The following morning the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths. When she found the lifeless body of the man by the window, she was saddened and called the hospital attendant to take him away. No words, no fuss.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look. Finally, he would have the joy of seeing it all himself. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed...........



It faced a blank wall.

Tells alot about life doesn't it?

"My heart is yours to fill or burst, to fill or burst, to break or bury, wear as jewelery. Which every you prefer." - Dashboard Confessionals - Hands Down

Dear God, The angel with big cute eyes, silky black long hair and sweaty palms is really pretty. I hope you don't take her away from me. Its pleasing just to see her. Thanks!

Rain, Thanks for making 2 years wait really worth it. Although you came at a really unexpected time, I was really glad you did. Thanks for making this day special.

P.S. : Guys, my phone's screwed up. Will not be able to pick up calls or reply messages at least until I get it repaired. If there are any messages that you would like to pass me, you can leave a message at my Msn, or tag my blog. Thanks!

"It was you, who put the clouds above me. It was you, who made the tears fall down. Only you, who broke my heart in pieces. It was you... It was you, who made my blue eyes blue." - Eric Clapton - Blue Eyes Blue

You don't care don't you. I don't expect you to. I never expected you to. I'll be right here if you need me. Does anyone else care? I don't think so.

"I'm here without you, baby, But you're still on my lonely mind. I think about you, baby, And I dream about you all the time." - Here Without You - 3 Doors Down.

Thoughts race through my mind.

"Oh my God. Rain. Its really her. She's so beautiful."

Rain, if the post you had on your blog was about me, this is my reply : Even if you know, would you do anything? Would you lessen my load? Would you give me a chance. Would you? So what if you know that you affect me physically and emotionally? So what if you know that I think of you Every day and Every night. So what if you know that I love you so much. So what if you know. Would you do anything?

Secrets are meant to be kept the way it is. They are not supposed to change. Some people change. Some people appear to change. I just keep my secrets. I will let you think what you want. How I feel towards Rain is a Perception. You percieve that which you want to. If you think of this as true love. I will give no comments. Think of this as an indecent obsession. I won't stop you.

Rain. You know how much I gave up because of you, 2 years. 2 years I stayed waiting for you. Am I going to give up this wild-goose chase? No. Probably because its you. I still remember your very first request. You ask me to find the song for the movie "White Chicks". I took quite awhile to get it down on disc. But by then, you were gone. Its now serves as a painful reminder of you. Every year, during your birthday, and during chrismas, I would get something for you. You can ask any of my brothers.

The year you were 12, during chrismas, I wrote you a poem on a piece of paper exactly a week before chrismas. 24 hours later I crushed the piece of bonded paper up, because I know that you wouldn't appreciate it. When you just reached thirteen, I created something out of my imagination I call "Bottled Stars", comprising of different variations of glow-in-the-dark stars, coloured water, stones, a glass jar and other materials. I drained out the water, but the artefact is still in my room. You know Pink Furry Ashley in my room? She was actually meant to be yours christmas present last year. If you look into my file, you might find a design of the your name "Rain". It was for your birthday. Did I remember? Yes. Did I have the guts to face you? No. Once bitten. Twice is too little a number to be shy.

God, I saw an Angel this morning. It was the same one. Why do I keep seeing the same angel. Is it because she's my gaurdian angel? Or is there only one angel in heaven?

I can spend an hour and a half thinking and writing about you. Its not rubbish. Its my deepest thoughts. But even if I'm in love or I'm obsessed with you. Rain, Do you care? If you bother just a bit, change my "No" to a "Yes". But I'm guessing it won't happen. It never will. Will it, Rain?

"The sight of maple leaves gradually falling to the ground resemble the thoughts I have for you.
I light a candle, embracing its warmth for the cold of the end of autumn.
The horizon breaks over the ends of the sky, The wind across your face,
I think of my love for you as the falling leaves,
But theres no way I can see your face again.

The sight of maple leaves gradually falling to the ground resemble the thoughts I have for you.
Why did I only start trying at the break of winter?
My love for you trancends time, Two streaks of regret form into my tears.
Let my love seep through the ground, All I want is for you to be by my side again."
- Jay Chou - Feng

I learnt that emotions can be channeled in to actions, strengthening, destroying, creating, depleting. All these actions can be created with the correct emotion, right situation and precise contexts. But its not an easy task to find such emotions, much less control them. Sports people use these techniques to run long distance running and create bursts of energy. The taste of victory, the anger of losing, the fear of defeat are all emotions that are able to be controlled and channeled to bring out what cannot be done easily.

What I feel for Rain I do not know. Do I feel angry? Dissapointed? Sad? I don't know. All I know I turn my head everytime anyone says something the word 'Rain'? Why is it that I'm addicted to the song 'Rain' by Hillary Duff? Can I channel that emotion to power? I would if I could. I'm trying my level best to do it. But why when I tried to throw the shotputt, thinking that if I channeled anger to Rain, I would throw further, and I failed miserably? Why when I channeled sadess into stillness, I only fell in to a fit of rage with myself? Why did I pick up the sheets of piano scores and the guitar from the floor, just to find myself learning it, awaiting the day I would see her again? Why did I put my foot on the treadmill, finding that it was practically effortless to run for thirty minutes without stoping whilst listening to only one song - 'Rain' by Hillary Duff?

Shaine. You may think that no one understands you. I do for one. But I don't care to sympathize with you. You had your share of fun. You had the taste of the cake you always wanted. You had a mellow high period. Not long. But long enough.

I was THIS close to Rain. THIS CLOSE. The first taste of estacy. Maybe I didn't taste it right. But I have been longing after it ever since. Emotional and spiritual damage over what I can normally face, I've been left in a broken fairy tale for 2 years. ITS TWO BLOODY YEARS. Time wasted? Yes. Regret? No. Why? cause I've been thinking of her for the past two years. 17th October 2004. Rain, all I have left to say is : I'm still waiting for you.

"Coz' you know that I'll walk a thousad miles, if I could just see you, If I could just hold you. Tonight." - Thousand Miles - Vanessa Carlton

Sasa...

I just heard that Alyssa reads my blog. Suddenly, everybody reads my blog. She told Jolvin that I quoted him. Now Jolvin wants me to change Propanol to Propyl Propanoate. Screwn you Jo. I like Propanol better. Sasa. If you're reading my blog, today's post I make specially for you, and you alone. F.Y.I. : Sasa is the short form for Alyssa, name created my Joana, whoever she is, and she is Jolvin's sister, although they don't seem very close to me. She likes to laugh for no apparent reason, and likes the word DUMB and STUPID. Applies them to all aspects of her life. She's thirteen this year, born on the 12th of June. Has a maple boyfriend, named Terry. Doesn't like sports, or at least playing sports with the few of us.

Sasa. Seriously I think you're cute. You might not be sexy or smart or beautiful. But you're cute. Lil' bit on the blur side but you're still cute. Sorry I couldn't play your character and stuff ok? I never fail to dissapoint you. But you never fail to cheer me up. In maple, in reality. Its all the same to you. Never failing to be chatty and sensitive at the same time. Don't know what to say to you whenever I see you, but you sit on the chair with a sad face, as if you favourite pet cow just died. Not spoken until spoken to, you can sit on the chair for hours on the go.Though she plays so much Maple and chats so much on Msn, she can still do basic household chores. You even know how to cook. Although you're aunty's daughter, I don't see any resemblence between you and her. But frail and fragile you reminds me much of Jolvin. Small in frame, Big in heart, is Sasa to me.

Sasa, Smile abit more. You look better than you think.

"When Autum comes, it doesn't ask. It just walks in, where it left you last. You never know when it starts, until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart." - John Mayer - Something's Missing

Missing Rain more than I can every imagine. The second year is coming to a close, the third coming to a beginning. Loneliness fills me when I don't think of her. Contempt fills me when I think of her. Jealousy when I see her with someone else. Sadness when I see her. Yet. I still can't bring myself to lose her. I don't think I can live a day without her. Or beside her.

Love is like a gust of wind, after it blows it goes. Of a melody of this sort, who can stand it? - Jay Chou - Long Juan Feng