My Everyday Discoveries.

More than 80% of the time I don't write or say what I've thought about. I always tell myself that I'm going to pin it down on my blog. But sometimes when I sit infront of the new post page, my mind goes blank. Today I tried to be good. Then I screwed up again. I told myself to finish my christmas stuff but I procrastinated again. I got to taste the R.C. hot milk, which I made myself. It really didn't taste nice. Maybe because it was hot.

Today. Rain sent me a msg, telling me that Eric Clapton was coming to town. Nice. At least she remembered. I don't know if i'll be able to attend it though. I wish I could remember something about you. I only remember that the acceptable colours to you would be blue, pink white and black, that you like puremilk tees, you're a taurus and you're born in May.

Somehow, when I longed for company, I got it, I complained. I didn't want the company anymore. Now, when all the company is gone, and I'm left all alone. I wished that someone would be there to speak a word to me.

"If I go crazy now, will you still call me superman? If I'm alive and well, will you be there, holding my hand?" - Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down.

My Pathetic Christmas.

After reading the post on Victor's blog, I decided that I would do my own post on Christmas. For me, Christmas is the time to put on the fake smile and say, " Merry Christmas, Everyone!~ ". I have no particular explanation to why I can put on 5 kilos in one day straight, but to me, Christmas is more to me than food. But I guess you're not going to believe me anyway.

As the years grew later, I realised that I got less and less presents. To me as a child, that was extremely traumatic. Coz' Christmas meant presents, of course. As I grew older and older, I begun to get used to it. Till now, if I received more than 5 Christmas presents I would be quite the bit satisfied. It doesn't matter to me now.

My Christmas is pathetic. Pathetic pathetic pathetic. It means that I have to meet people that I don't want to see. Say things that I don't mean. And do things that I never really needed to do for reasons that I don't even know. I have no idea that people can give me chocolate, year after year, and expect me to be happy. For your info. I don't appreciate people giving me food because I'm overweight. I don't appreciate sweets that come as presents. On top of that. I do not like chocolate. I detest chocolate. Chocolate is only used as an energy supplement, that's final.

Since I'm here I might as well tell you wad I don't want for presents on any occasion. I don't appreciate sweets or chocolates. Give me a box of tissues and I will appreciate it more. I don't like people to give me Maplestory prepaid cards. If I need a-cash I will buy it on my own, thank you. A handkerchief would be much better, at least I have some use for that. Other than The two stated above, I guess anything else would be good. But try not to give me a photo frame. It gives the feeling of being cheapskate.

Well. I must say. God gave me a really nice christmas present this year. He answered this question for me : Why Couldn't You Give Her To Me ? He spent 2 years trying to keep me away from her, but he realised that I was over-infatuated with her. Then he sent me someone else special. He answered in a lesson I learnt. " Maybe you're not ready for a relationship. "

This isn't the end. Its just the start of another rocky road. And I don't mean the Ice Cream.

" You are not a special or unique snowflake. You are the same decaying matter as everyone else. " - Tyler Durden - Fightclub.

Emptiness...

I have that empty feeling inside of me. A gaping hole, a powerful vaccum that longs to be filled. Once, I though I had the answer. Someone to be with me, for better for worse, through thick and thin, but once I tried, I realised that it was not all what it seemed to be. Slowly, painfully and surely, I realised that I was just in love.

Rain, I throw myself off the cliff. Why? Because I know, when I'm with you, I can fly. Because you make me feel like I can fly. And I'm not ready to lose that feeling. Not now. Not yet.

To those people whom I know are angry with me :

Understand this. People don't have Your kind of money to splurge around on friends. SOME do not have enough to spend on themselves. LIkewise, you should also be able to understand that due to the immense amount of money that you are SPLURGING, I find it a waste . I advise SAVING up these extra dollars for future use, and not grumble about yourself not having a CHOICE laptop, because some people do not even have a laptop. Do reconsider the fact that although I may spend 5 dollars on a humongous plate of chicken rice, I DO NOT appreciate anything above $15 on desert. Let me explain why I do not want to go. Apart from the extravagant splurging on the Fondue, I do not want to go K-Box with people who DO NOT SING at K-Box. So thus, let me point out something to you, If I went, its would be You, Me, Clara and Jason. You and Jason WILL NOT sing, and its clara's first few times at "K". Its a room booked for 4 Hours you expect me to sing for 3 hr 45 min? I'm not a clown. Theres only one thing that will make a difference and turn the tables back up, and that is if u declare u like me. Then I will BEG AND GROVEL on my knees for FORGIVENESS, because. I know how you feel then.

"You might regret what you let slip away, like that geek in the pink." - Geek in the Pink

Losing Myself...

I'm losing myself, slowly, surely, steadily. Things are becoming really hectic around work these few days. I'm losing touch with what I've learnt in a day or two. Doreen's really scolding me now, but its now narrowed down to the settings. I've now improved on the way I handle my cakes, the picture on top is the shop's cake shelf. Kinda cool huh. We serve many different cakes, the more standard ones being Coconut cake, Chocolate Brownie cake, Cranberry Almond Cake, Baked Cheesecake, EggNog Cheesecake, Green Tea cake and Mixed Fruits and Nuts Cake.

Whats this feeling I'm getting? Am I missing Amabel? I think I'm super confused all of a sudden. Something's going really wrong. I can feel it, but I can't do anything, can I? Someone tell me something that I should do. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Its scary all of a sudden. I losing my appetite, my concentration, my memory, myself.

"When you want it the most theres no easy way out,
When you're ready to go and ur heart's been left out,
Don't give up on your faith,
Love will come to those who believe,
And that's the way it is." - Celine Dion - That's The Way It Is.

Friday. The Beginning of Hope. The Ending of Wisdom.

Someone onced said, "True Love Waits." Am I going to waste my entire youth on waiting for someone I'm not even sure she'll love me back? I don't know. If I get transported to the future, can I look upon my path and smile? Or look upon my path and dispair? Am I close? Rick Price's "Heaven Knows" says, "If you love her you got to set her free, and if she returns in kind, I'll know she's mine." I don't think I'm there. I'm not even close, I guess. Maybe my love will come back, someday, only heaven knows. And all I can do is hope and pray... Coz' heaven knows...

Work was bad today. Doreen was breathing up my neck every single second I was there. Today, there were alot of customers there, there was hardly any time to catch a breath. I'm becoming more and more familiar with the menu now, but my setting of the table is not improving. Its amazing how confused you can get when your supposed to remeber orders for 3 tables at once and stuff. Everybody's treating me better except Doreen. Got new jie's and stuff. Got Jie, Stacy Jie, Emily Jie. The chefs in the kitchen are pretty cool too. Making really neat stuff there.

Am I going to wait? I guess so. I just don't know how to tell Am.

"Coz' I miss you, body and soul, so strong, that it takes my breath away,
And I breathe you, into my hear and pray for the strength to stand today.
Coz' I love you, whether its wrong or right,
And though I can't be with you tonight, you know my heart is by your side." - Daniel Bedingfield - If You're Not The One.

Confused !? Again ?!

Its tiring at work, with all the fussy people that come in and all. Its interesting, to see all the different people coming in and out, and the rich tai-tai's that makes a waiter a miserable man. Today when I came in, there were two reporters at table 12, eating some stuff. You should go to Royal Copenhagen to see what's food wastage. Its horrigible, terrigible and vegetable arh. Nothing much happened today, except everybody is treating me nicer. Aunty Iris is so pro. I think she carry the teapot upside down also won't spill a drop of it. ^^

Sadly, Am, I don't know what to say. To Rain, I won't want to say. But I hope you will tell me, instead. I don't know... I'm confused. Again. I'm blinded by love. I can only walk two paths, to follow my heart, or to follow my character. I don't know. Someone please save me.

"Even though I'm with someone new, all I can think about is you. And now I'm caught, and now, I'm caught in the middle." - A1 - Caught in the middle

Working...

I've started working, as some of you might know. I'm presently working at the Royal Copenhagen Tea Lounge. Its located at the second level of Takashimaya Shopping Centre, in Takashimaya it self, next to the Burberry section. The name's kinda cool huh. Food looks real good, although I haven't tried any of it yet. Its expensive, but quite worthwhile. Looks nice huh. Come and visit me there. I'll greet you warmly. Don't count on me for perks though, I'm only a waiter. Looking forward to any of you that maybe coming to visit me. Leave a tag on my blog, or give me an sms k?

But it seems like work isn't the only thing that I have on my mind. As I step in deeper, something tells me I'm really really going to make a Big Mistake. Am I? I don't know. Rain, Rain. What was that blogpost for? Do you have something you want to tell me? Am I missing out on something I don't know? I don't wanna miss a thing.

"Cappaccino = Coffee + Milk + Milk Foam + Choclate Powder = Kopi-Si Dinosaur" - Me - What I learnt at Work.